To Grow Up
I just had to grow up. It was fun doing fun things with friends, drinking, partying hanging out, Friday night doesn’t start until Saturday morning. In the high of the moment, party (pronounced as parrey) don’t stop, for every hit song, you shout out loud jumping with very little care of hitting the ceiling but with perfect balance the beer on your hand not to spill a single drop. I wasn’t the loudest, thought I could be but crazy fits the description. Everyone on the dance floor, it’s so crowded I would liken it to an oven so we are slowly baked but who cares if we are high.
Is the DJ reading my mind? That’s the song I wanted to hear, though it was played on the radio I act as if I heard it for the first time. Am with my boys, this Saturday night event was planned the other Saturday though confirmed late morning once everyone was done nursing hangovers. We are in our 20s, enjoying our freedom from the moment the government declared us legally adults and issued us with national IDs and. The only people who seem to differ are our parents but they are like ‘old’. In their days fun was jumping into the river while grazing or hunting wild animals or something. This is the 21century technology is fashion, they communicate with letters and phone booths, we have whats app, InstaGram, twitter blah blah blah. The list is endless.
Oh my time flies, years went on, and life seemed much like a routine, you dress better going out, less dancing, more drinking, random outings don’t work for me, I am growing up, no more cheap drinks, beers on easy days, scotch or whiskey when I want to make a statement and be seen sophisticated, mostly because I want to impress a lady. show me a damsel I will show you a fool.
So am not the sharing type, skeletons in the closet, so much I’ve bottled in. I am not okay but everything thinks I am. The feeling people are either too busy or won’t understand so you just smile, I am at rest when my family and friends are having a good time when I am around. So their issues are our issues but mine are deeply buried covered with mortar and gravel, I sit and smile with usual laughter though I know I’m hurting inside.
I start to drink to unwind, too much in my mind, maybe a bottle will drown the pain or wash away sorrows. If not I’ll forget even if it’s just for the night. Wish life had a pause button. Slowly I slip in darkness, alcohol now becomes not just a friend, but a companion, the more I drink, the closer we get. Eventually I cut off relationships, some just die a natural death, my circle has shrunk I notice without paying much attention, probably it’s for the best.
Fast forward, amazing how we replace people in our lives. I’ve got new friends, they don’t need to know me, neither do they ask, which works. We meet more frequently. I don’t have to look for them, they look for me. We’ve been drinking since Saturday, with a Sunday morning break and resumed in the afternoon. Just the mention of food gets me out of bed. So the drinking began, my intention was to get drunk. It was a time when an opportunity presented itself, soberness was not an option. Evening came, the only break I took is the usual trip to the gents and back. One by one, everyone left and night slowly displaced by morning. Whether they bid me goodbye, I don’t know, I was past the point to care for their departure.
Then in the midst of my high moment, sense dawned on me, physically drunk but mentally sober. My sense of reason clearer as crystal, it was as if my mind sat me down, not as a request but order, I didn’t object but willingly and humbly, paid attention to every detail spoken to me. “You’ve put yourself where you, your decisions or lack of decisions is why you are here. alcohol is now your master. for how long will you drink recklessly. You have no sense of direction. You’ve lost your way. It’s not too late. Make a decision and turn your life around. Put order in your life. Make the changes, it will be hard but worth it. Steer your life in the direction you want.” I sipped my last, and off I went. Waiters asked me if I needed a taxi but I dismissed them. I needed my time. Looking at the time it was 4am. The last person I expected to speak sense to me was me. Off I went, staggering but maintaining a straight line by myself in darkness and silence. Deep in thoughts I had to make a decision. Maturity doesn’t come with age but taking responsibility. I am not a child, no one will tell me how to live. I just had to grow up. There is time for everything and my time for irresponsibility and recklessness had lapsed.The words that broke the silence were, “God by your help, I’ve made a decision. I am making a vow, I will not put alcohol on my lips henceforth.” God is faithful, that sinner’s prayer was answered. Simple words but powerful words. Set a new chapter, it will be hard but am determined, five years now, sober. Alcohol is not a temptation, I am not looking back. I put my life in God’s hands, I live for His will. My story is about victory, overcoming all odds. Some believe me, some don’t, what matters most is that I am living my testimony of God in my life. I hope you are blessed.